I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
