1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
