drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
