so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
