Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
