im drinking this country out of the recession.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
