so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
