No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
