Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
