she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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