Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm passing your future prison.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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