the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
