Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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