He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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