I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
