there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
