batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
