After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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