This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
