We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
