i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
