there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
