Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
