apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
