I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
