I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
