he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
