I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
