She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
