who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
