Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
