I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
