I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
