meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
