somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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