there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
