I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
