I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
