It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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