Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
