Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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