Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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