i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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