dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
