Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
