omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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