All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
