Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
