I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
