I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We are two peas in an std pod
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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