Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is wine microwaveable?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have aggressive nipples.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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