you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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