You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i think my cat just said my name.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
